Stop Trying to Fit In: The Power of Owning Your Presence

My clients often tell me they want to be more assertive; to have executive presence; to walk into a room and command attention.
And let me be clear: my clients are already incredible. They’re leading teams, managing budgets, changing systems. But like all of us, they still have moments where they shrink in rooms that require them to shine.

Before I share the tool I use with my clients to build authentic executive presence, let me tell you a story.

Three years ago, I was working as a management consultant under a brilliant mentor and CEO, Samira Abdul-Karim. Together, we facilitated strategy sessions for nonprofit leaders: rooms full of executive directors, foundation presidents, and vice presidents.

At first, Samira would open every meeting, set the tone, and guide the conversation. When it came time for me to contribute, I often felt… small.
I’d raise a point, and it wouldn’t seem to land. Then Samira would build on what I said, adding her perspective, connecting it to the broader strategy, and suddenly everyone was nodding in agreement.

It wasn’t that she was taking my ideas; she was elevating them. But it made me reflect on why my voice alone wasn’t carrying the same weight.

It wasn’t that my ideas weren’t strong, it was that my presence wasn’t landing.

Part of it was internal: I was intimidated. But part of it was external too. I noticed that as a Latina with an accent, people made assumptions about me.

That feeling was not new…

But here’s the thing, Samira is the kind of leader who listens deeply. When I told her what I was experiencing, she did what she does best, asked one simple question that changed everything:
“How do you want to be supported?” 

I told her I wanted to open the meetings; I wanted to set the tone. And I wanted her to introduce me as Dr. Ana María.

It felt awkward at first. My cultural script as a Latina taught me not to boast; to let my work speak for itself. Even within academia, “Dr.” followed by your first name isn’t common practice. I worried people would think I was showing off. That they would judge me and see me as tacky and another testament to the uneducated narrative they may have about me.  

But I did it anyway.

And something shifted.

The way people listened changed.

The tone of the room changed.

I changed.

By claiming my space fully, and unapologetically I wasn’t just asking for respect; I was embodying it. I was no longer performing leadership. I was leadership.

The Tool: The Executive Presence Experiment

When I coach clients on executive presence, I remind them that it’s not about pretending to be someone else. It’s about aligning how others experience you with the truth of who you already are.

Here’s how we practice it:

• Try it on: Experiment with how you introduce yourself, how you enter a room, how you take up space.

• Observe: Notice what lands, what feels authentic, and what feels performative.

• Adjust: Keep refining until you find your sweet spot—where your power feels natural, not forced and where you command the respect and authority you deserve.

Respect can’t be demanded; it’s cultivated. But executive presence begins the moment you decide to show up as the leader you already are.

The Call to Action

Before your next big meeting or presentation, pause and ask yourself:

• What adversity has forged my strength to lead?

• What unique experiences shape my perspective?

• Whom do I honor when I show up as my full self?

Stop asking “How can I fit in?”

Start asking “What do I uniquely bring to this space?”

The parts of me I once tried to hide: my accent, my story, my Latina identity, my first-gen Ph.D., became the foundation of my presence.

And that’s the invitation I want to leave you with today:

Own your power, let it be visible because that is what executive presence truly is.